Thirteen Relatively Weak Indications that the Apocalypse is upon Us:
- Dad finally shaved the mustache he grew in 1975.
- I can’t find my Goonies DVD anywhere, and trust me, I’ve looked.
- The prevalence of CAPS LOCK.
- My cell phone contract.
- Tim Tebow.
- None of my friends laughed when I came up with a hilarious nickname for The Speaker of The House of Representatives, John Boehner.
- My mom’s Facebook page.
- The length of the lines every time I go to Safeway, especially when I only need one thing.
- A decline in the general attractiveness of Starbucks employees (national average).
- The notable absence of whiskey in my house.
- It’s John Boner, obviously. And I know it’s a bit juvenile, but that doesn’t mean it’s not funny.
- Matchbox 20 has a new album out.