Thirteen Relatively Weak Indications that the Apocalypse is upon Us:

  1. Dad finally shaved the mustache he grew in 1975.
  2. I can’t find my Goonies DVD anywhere, and trust me, I’ve looked.
  3. The prevalence of CAPS LOCK.
  4. My cell phone contract.
  5. Tim Tebow.
  6. None of my friends laughed when I came up with a hilarious nickname for The Speaker of The House of Representatives, John Boehner.
  7. My mom’s Facebook page.
  8. The length of the lines every time I go to Safeway, especially when I only need one thing.
  9. Twilight.
  10. A decline in the general attractiveness of Starbucks employees (national average).
  11. The notable absence of whiskey in my house.
  12. It’s John Boner, obviously. And I know it’s a bit juvenile, but that doesn’t mean it’s not funny.
  13. Matchbox 20 has a new album out.

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