Shorts. / Word.

Mulching it Over

A Complete List of Thoughts I Had While Mowing The Lawn

1. Well this is a bunch of BS.
2. That scene from Honey I Shrunk the Kids.
3. Rick Moranis.
4. Remember when these were my good shoes?
5. I bet the Zappos warehouse smells weird.
6. Sprinkler head.
7. Spelling the noise a mower makes would just be b-r-u-p over and over, wouldn’t it?
8. That guy who tried to level the top of a row of bushes with his mower, went to lift it up with both hands around the bottom, and then got his fingers hacked off.
9. How many years until I can make my kid do this?
10. Did I just run over cat poop?
11. I just ran over cat poop.
12. Why is there a cat pooping on my lawn?
13. Are there mountain lions living in this part of the country?
14. If F=MA, and the shrunken kids have a tiny, tiny mass (M), then maybe getting hit by the blade (A) wouldn’t have killed them? Can someone do research on this? How much would a tiny human weigh?
15. I never remember headphones. Never.
16. Were those marigolds?
17. Do you remember the 21st night of September? Love was changing the minds of pretenders.
18. That guy with no fingers again.
19. God, this is exactly like vacuuming. Exactly like it.
20. French class. Now I get it.

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